My pages....

I'm beginning to prefer silences....
Increasingly conversations are becoming more and more boring .

We are always talking. Think ...we are always talking...there's a constant drone of conversation all around us...it is endless. Do we always listen....no,  most of the time we just listen or pretend to listen, understand or even care!!

We talk to fill gaps .....but silence fills everything so automatically. ..just like water.

Do I even remember when was the last time I spoke for myself...
Without being labelled as opinionated,  melodramatic,  belligerent,  stubborn,  stupid...I could go on.

Perhaps that's why I seek him out. Our tiny bursts of conversations are so easy and fluid. And they say so much. Sometimes I just want to sit and  look into those warm eyes and  listen to him..let our words glide me  through those myriad world of ours . Sometimes our mutual ease with silence say so much more.

Last night ...after a long time I conversed...unveiling our silences , filling gaps within moments.

Last night....I let him hold my hand...so that I could follow him through doors after doors of wonderland.

Last night ...after a long time I let my heart speak and told my head to shut up.

Surprise

Thoreau once wrote....
Go confidently
In the direction
Of your dreams!
Live the life
You've imagined.....

I was doing this for more than 2 years now....and I was happy in my own make believe world....travelling to exotic places, listening to music , cooking , laughing , crying with him. My life was beautiful and had no place for anyone. In my world of shadows he was mine and mine only.
        " I wake up lonely there's an air of silence all around. ..
         In my bedroom and all around....
Make believing we together...."

The lady of shallot had cried out...."im half sick of shadows". She wanted to go out to the real world....for her love... I dont..then why?

life surprised me once again ......I dont want surprises...I dont want to be the lady of shallot moving peacefully to an apocalyptic end.

I was so happy just to hear him.....I am so sad just to hear him...So dear life..do away with your surprises and if this is what it has to be then don't take him away from me...ever!!!